Home Sweet Home?

Over the past week or so our family has been busily preparing for a big change! We placed an offer on a gorgeous house in New Carlisle. That offer was accepted! However, we are hoping for an FHA loan (lower down payment, lower interest rate - not that you can get much lower than 4%) which will require that it passes and FHA appraisers inspection. Apparently this house previously had an offer with FHA financing but due to the crawl space, or lack there of, the financing was denied.

We had our home inspection and got to looking at the crawl space and it is pretty much non-existent. There used to be a crawl space but when they redid the plumbing in the house they took it from the well into the utility room and then through the walls rather than through the crawl space as it had been done previously. So there is no need to have that access and they closed it off. Mostly. There is one vent that can be opened and a maximum of 3 inches of darkness can be seen between two 2x4's. I'm hoping the FHA appraiser that we had inspect the house today is much less stringent and will realize that the crawl space is closed.

Unfortunately, the turn around time on the appraisal is up to one week. I can hardly wait. I'm so nervous because if it doesn't go through then we have to try for a conventional loan, which we will get but it changes the contract and can prolong the process. Right now, closing is set for Sept 30. Eric thinks we may be able to move that up even but I'm nervous to do that since that will be Ryan's birthday party time. But again, it all is hanging on this FHA appraisal that happened sometime today. Maybe I'll get lucky and everything will be fine and I'll know that it is fine by this time tomorrow. :o)

Well I suppose that is enough of my rambling on about the house for now. Once everything goes through (fingers crossed) I'll have so much more to talk about. haha! I have loved my little house but we outgrew it sometime ago. I need a new place to call my home sweet home.

Meanie Moms

Since Ryan started Kindergarten I have had trouble with some mom's at his school. They don't talk to me, usually they just ignore me. I don't think I've ever done anything to offend them either. I think I may have blogged about one mom before - "Mouth" - and her endless opinions and shrill voice. Last Spring Ryan had some activity at school and I went quickly before I went to work, so I of course had to go in uniform. A few days later I had the pleasure of hearing Mouth talking about the joys of having a husband who was such a good provider so that she could stay home with her children. Ouch.

Now this may have been totally harmless but I couldn't help feeling like I was once again being snubbed by this woman and her friends - the Meanie Moms. I don't think that her ability to be a stay at home mom makes her any better or worse or parent than those who do work however, I can't say that I think she believes the same. Throughout the summer those feelings of inadequacy when stacked against the Meanie Moms had quieted but unfortunately they came flooding back when I faced them today at the school.

I so enjoyed my time as a stay at home mom but that life was not meant for me. My husband is an excellent man, wonderful father, husband, and provider. He does not make me work nor does he resent that I work. I help to provide for our family, put food on the table, clothes on our backs, and fun in our lives. It's a wonderful feeling! And my work is very rewarding; I couldn't ask for more.

But it's a hard trade to make. I would so love to be the mom who went to every school function, signed up for every event, and got to be the class parent during fun holiday activities. I try my best. It may be three days before my laundry gets folded. We might eat left overs and frozen meals more often than good home cooked meals anymore. I may show up to the school in my Navy Blue's and only stay for 20 minutes. But I try. I stay up days and watch them play, even after hours and hours awake. But in return, I have to send them to daycare so that I can sleep at some point. But I do try.

So in evaluating how I am as a parent I have learned that I have mad multi-tasking skills; I can sit in the back yard, enjoying the last minutes of summer, watching my kids play, while I blog and plan my grocery list for the week, after cleaning the kitchen from a day or two of lost time and getting caught up on laundry. Oh, and I'm growing a human being in my belly. All on just four hours sleep in the last 30 hours. I do a good job and teach my children to be strong, smart, and confident. I am raising little boys that I hope will grow up to be wonderful men. Even with a job.

I guess I just want the same respect that I hold for all moms who do their best every single day. Being a mom is hard work no matter how many kids you have, the job you have, single mom, married mom, a super mom, or a meanie mom. Now if we could just treat each other that way.

Now what?

Here we are again...nearly six months gone by since the last post. It's not that our lives have not been busy or been full of fun days, new stories, and exciting starts; rather, our days have been so full that I have had no time sit back and relive the moments. Being an old married lady, Friday night at 11 pm is the perfect time I suppose. :o)

The most exciting moment of the last six months happened about six weeks ago when a little white stick developed two little pink lines. I always know so early, which is a blessing in some respects but it makes the days and weeks tick on longer. Now at nearly 10 weeks I am starting to get comfortable with the idea. Two weeks ago I got to see a tiny, beautiful, gray circle with a quick, strong heartbeat. Amazing how something that sounds like that can make your heart quicken and a tear fall. Even if it is the third pregnancy, it is just as exciting each time. Of course with the ever so sweet moments must come the nauseous, bloated, never-been-so-tired-in-my-life moments. It gets a little better each day, thankfully.

In June I finished the last class in my journey to BSN. I completed the nursing course in May and had to finish a Composition class over the last five weeks of the quarter. How those five weeks drug on...but the end finally came and I'm so excited! Last weekend the paper copy of my degree arrived - another beautiful thing to see. I am now applying for a Master's program for Family Nurse Practitioner. Maybe after I get that degree, I'll be satisfied and can spend more than five months not going to school.

And now it's almost time for the boys to go back to school. Ryan will be entering the third grade! My sweet baby boy will be *8* years old!! He is so fun to spend time with. I have loved watching his little personality grow. And Austin is a never ending spout of fun; so full of energy and laughter, you just can't get enough. I have so enjoyed the summer, as quickly as it has gone by quickly. I wish I had had more time to spend with my favorite boys but the moments spent were some of the best. <3

Along with our own moments of joy, I was able to share in the joy of some of my very best friends. My dear friend Amber had a beautiful baby boy in May. He is so precious! My oldest friend Angel got married in early June to a great guy. I couldn't be happier for the two of them! Most of the Spring was spent planning, throwing, and attending parties: birthday, baby shower, bridal shower, bachelorette party, and finally a wedding ceremony & reception. As fun as it was, I am glad it's over - I have only just recovered from all the fun. :o)

So, now what? Well with Fall coming (YAY!) it of course means a lot of busy days lie ahead. Football, hikes at Charleston Falls, pumpkin ice cream, Trick-or-Treat, jeans & t-shirt nights, and maybe a few surprises?

No pictures this time...but hopefully with our next family update.

Nearly Six Months Later...

Wow, I can't believe I have waited almost six months to post! Not much choice I guess, I've been too busy for anything lately. But it'll all be worth it. June 11 is the END of my BSN!!! Then it'll be time to move on to a Master's. I can't wait!! I have busted my butt to do it but it'll all be done soon.

So between my three full time jobs (Nurse, Student, Mother/Wife) I'm just a bit exhausted. And now I have a lot to catch up on.

Ryan turned seven in September. I can't believe how big he is now. He's so funny and smart. I just love hanging out with that kid. Always makes me a little sad when I realize that it has been seven years since he was a little baby. He was just the best little baby, hardly ever cried, loved to cuddle, and even though he'd kill me if he knew...he still likes to snuggle up every once in awhile.

We had a wonderful Holiday season. Went to Iowa and Illinois in early November to celebrate Thanksgiving and see family. We had a great time but we never feel like we have enough time there. I had to spend my first Christmas Eve away from my boys, which was hard but was made easier by working with a great group of nurses and PCT's.

Austin turned four in January. I was so hoping that, like Ryan, he would slow down on the growing and even out on the growth chart...not so much. He's going to be taller than Ryan before long.

Angel's wedding is quickly approaching as well. I have her shower and party planned but still have a lot to do. Like order and mail invitations and buy everything. But otherwise, it's all good. My dress fits much better but I still have just a bit more to go. I'm not sure what I'll do when I have no school work and no matron of honor duties to handle. :o)

Oh, and a little picture of my early birthday/early Anniversary present this year.

Work is never without endless amusement and frustration. While it might seem inappropriate to some, we have to laugh at the unusual events that happen to us - like patient's screaming "Slut Puppy" and asking where their snuff is. Dinosaurs have been a topic of discussion lately as well, but not because of a patient. It's nice to have a good laugh about that issue for once than to just feel pissed about it all the time. And then there are the hello's and good-bye's night shift style to get us by. An unusual tradition of our unit, built on love of course, where should you decide to leave us or join us, you will be flushed with whatever one can put their hands on. This includes but is not limited to saline flushes, foam hand sanitizer, baby powder, and lubricant. :o) I love this place.

But with the many changes and the knowledge that the unit won't be there forever, I have to start thinking about the future and where I am going from here. I have a pretty good idea...but I'm not ready to tell just yet. Of course, that means that I would have to be on the lookout for giant syringes filled with lube pointing around the corner at me! Hmm....maybe I should just stay.

Ramblings of a Night Nurse: Thankful

**NOTE: I take measures to ensure that no names, dates, room numbers, or other identifiers are present. Even for the nurses I work with who are aware of the actual events, I have to make sure that even they would not be able to identify the patient. Patients identities will be protected through various ways including changing of dates, names, sex, race, etc. My intention in this blog is not to share stories about patients but stories about nursing.**

A new fall quarter has started. Only last year that was me starting my final quarter of nursing school. So looking forward to the end of it, but sad at the same time. Dreading the NCLEX that was approaching too quickly and being so afraid that I wouldn't pass. I was looking forward to starting my career but I knew that I wouldn't be working along side my best friends. It all has me thinking about my journey as a new nurse. I started this blog to document my growth as a nurse and to share with my family and friends.

Each day as I grow and become more comfortable in practice, I hear the words and see the faces of the nurses who I have been lucky enough to learn from.

I am thankful to every nursing instructor I had in school for pushing me to be more than "good" and encouraging me to be great! Every instructor that I had taught me more than just the book; they taught me critical thinking, leadership, compassion, and humor.

I am thankful for every preceptor that put up with me and allowed me to follow them and learn from their triumphs and their failures.

I am thankful for the nurses I work with now for sharing your wisdom and guiding me into the world of big girl nursing.

I am thankful for my best friends, the nurses that shared in my happiness and helped me shed a tear. We somehow made it through school together and now we're alone and trying to make it. Thank goodness for Facebook, cell phones, and blogs. :o)

A very special thank you to the Sandstone for putting up with this baby nurse. They have taught me to have fun at work because if you don't, you'll never make it. They make the long nights of call lights worth it. They are the biggest help and I would never make it through a night without them. I think some have yet to learn your value, but they will. ;o)

And a thank you to my family & friends for the unconditional love through the crazy years at school, the switch to night shift, and dealing with the rants and excited stories of this nurse. They are amazing! <3

Without these nurses, tech's, and family & friends to push me, love me, educate me, and laugh with me, I wouldn't be where I am today. I am a good nurse because of all of you. One day I hope to be a great nurse because of you. Maybe one day I can be the voice of encouragement to another nurse.

Ramblings of a Night Nurse: My First Code

**NOTE: Sorry for the length of time to post. This was due to time constraints and ensuring that there are no patient identifiers available. I take measures to ensure that no names, dates, room numbers, or other identifiers are present. Even for the nurses I work with who are aware of the actual events, I have to make sure that even they would not be able to identify the patient. Patients identities will be protected through various ways including changing of dates, names, sex, race, etc. My intention in this blog is not to share stories about patients but stories about nursing.**

After more than a year of working in the hospital and several more years of being in the hospital on a fairly regular basis, the inevitable finally happened. My first code.

I had a patient in "B" bed and another nurse had a new patient in "A" bed. Going in and out over the first few hours of the evening, "A" bed was not doing well. He started on 1 liter of oxygen at 1800 and was on 6 by 2300, then on CPAP where he started doing much better. His O2 sat improved into the high 90's and he seemed more comfortable. Lasix was not working, even after several doses in just a few hours he had very little output. I wonder what he sounded like? His rhythm on the monitor was very irregular and he was having a lot of PVC's. But that too improved once on CPAP.

Around 0030 the patient started ringing out with sats in the high 80's again. I was busy with my patients in another room. When I left and went to the nurses station to catch up on my charting he hadn't rang out in a few minutes. Soon he rang out at 83%. Something in my head went off and I remember thinking, "a patient on CPAP shouldn't be ringing out..." I turned and looked at the monitor behind me and it said 81%, then 78% before I could turn to run to his room. "OH SHIT!" would be the words I murmured as I turned the corner.

When I came into his room I saw the monitor first, it wasn't picking up a sat. Then I saw him. He had his CPAP off, crumpled over in the bed, gray. I started calling his name; nothing. I shook him; nothing. My mind was racing, this voice in my head screaming at me to hit the staff assist and another one telling me to give him air to breathe, to check for a pulse...I tried to do it all at once, I guess it worked. I barely remember hitting the button for help. I do remember waiting for what seemed like an eternity for help to arrive. I know it wasn't long at all. Just felt like it. I was trying to keep his CPAP on and trying to find a pulse...a pulse that I couldn't find.

My co-workers arrived. (Insert sigh of relief here). And things just went moving in a motion that I cannot clearly recall. I remember drawing the curtain between the two beds. I had this little voice in my head from school, I wish I could remember who said it, to remember to protect the patient in the next bed from seeing it. And so I did. I feel like I rambled around for awhile. What do I do? Someone asked if anyone was writing down what was happening and I found what I needed to do. I think there were two jobs they told us not to do during the first couple of codes, first was manning the code cart and second was charting what happened-cause in your first code you don't know. :o) Well, I did it and I survived with a little help from my friends.

I have always worried about when this would happen. When I first started the internship I remember waking up, getting ready, and saying a little prayer to myself that there wouldn't be a code because I wouldn't know what to do. I have seen a lot of intubations and have a relative feeling of comfort because of it. It feels weird to talk about it like that; someone's misfortune that I learned from and feel confident in handling. Huh. And I'm certainly not begging for anymore codes to happen. Not at all. I am glad that this first experience is over though. Now I have some idea of what to expect.

I think the worst part for me was trying to explain what had happened to my patient in the next bed. I still hope that I did it the "right way." I don't want to give away information about another patient but this was a frightening thing for my patient to experience. I don't think anyone ever taught us the "right way" to tell another patient about a code. Maybe I should ask around before the next one...

Family Update

Not another "Night Nurse" update. Not yet anyway. That's all my updates have been lately. Time to focus on family. ♥


Ryan:
When did he get so big? Less than one month to 7!!! Unbelievable! I remember so vividly just holding him so close just after he was born. I remember how BIG he was! All 9 pounds 8.5 ounces of him. The nurses in the nursery called him Chubbers. You'd never think it now though, would you? He's tall and lanky now. And he's leaving that grouchy attitude behind him. He's starting to get the jokes and teasing that we do and he even teases back. He's so fun. I love getting to spend time just hanging out with him. I'd have to say he's the best second grader in the world. I think he's just the best anyway. He's smart and funny. He has a laugh that has always been so contagious. Once he starts chuckling I defy anyone to not do the same. He's also very caring, right down to his core, and like his mom, maybe to a fault. He will put the needs of others ahead of his own in a heartbeat and not think twice. I am so proud of him.


Austin:
Austin, AustieBear, Bear, Bug, Bub, Boo, Monkey, Little Dude...all for my little man. Well, little BIG man. Weighing in at 47 pounds at 3 years old will qualify you for big for sure. He's at the 97th %ile on everything-still. He is going back to school very soon and couldn't be more excited to go. He is counting down the days. And he is so smart! He still talks like such a baby, or maybe I just think he does because he's bigger than he should be, and I think it's just the sweetest. It's not "baby talk", just sweet sounds to his words and not enunciating words yet. He sings this "Ravioli" song that just melts my heart...he says "rabioli." Every time he says it, I can't help but smile to myself and feel my heart swell. He's quite the stinker though and gets great pleasure in teasing his poor brother.


Eric:
What can I say about Eric? lol! He just passed the five year mark at University of Dayton. That means we've been back in Dayton for five years, which is just amazing. Ryan was still a baby...or so I thought. So much has changed since then. Our house doesn't look like the same house anymore. Eric has spent so much time and effort to fix it up and make it the way we want it to be. We'll never get the money back out it, but we knew that from the start. We just wanted to create a home. Mission accomplished. I'm so glad for the work he has done on our home but I do wish he'd finish up his projects. Actually, I think the cabinets are completely finished. Took one month but they are done. And not Eric's version of done but actually done done. Yay! They look nice too. We are outgrowing our home though and have started paying off debts and saving money for a down payment for our next home.

Eric is still employed by U.D. but he is working at the base right now. Probably for the next five years. (Ryan keeps asking when he can go with him and become a soldier...sigh...) He is going back to school this fall, too. I'm so proud of him.


Maggie & Hank:
Hank may find himself "lost" soon. He likes to eat just about everything. He has to stay in the kennel whenever we leave and even when we sleep because he has eaten up about 20 pairs of underwear, three pairs of flip flops, chair legs, and a laundry hamper. He might have to go live on a farm. Maggie is doing very well. Obedience class was just the ticket to a happy dog. She barks less and listens better. She has even taught Hank a few things. Eric has taught them to jump through a hula hoop for treats. Sometimes Hank is too fat and lazy and waddles around or under the hoop.


My Mom, baby sister, and Bubby are coming to see us this weekend. We are all so very excited! Grandma and Papa are doing well; been on several trips and vacations this year. I'm so glad they are finally enjoying their retirement! I do wish my sister in-law would let them enjoy it more but what can you do? My best friend is getting married in less than a year!!! Woo! So happy for her. I'm nervous though because she's making me give a toast at her wedding. What to say? She has found a great guy. I can say that...but I think maybe I should add a little bit more. haha!

As for me, I'm great! I really like my job, love my coworkers, enjoying school, and I feel like I actually get to see my kids. It's hard when I work three in a row, hell even two in a row makes it 48 hours without seeing them but for 15 minutes before I go to work. But my nights off are all about them. I never had a night off when I was at Sinclair. I get to cuddle up and watch Wonder Pets with Austin, read books with Ryan, and watch them play outside. Things I missed greatly when I was working on my associates. I'll never regret going to school when I did but I do get sad at how much I missed. Especially what I missed of Austin as a baby. Things that I relished when I was a stay at home mom with Ryan-first words, first steps, funny phrases, just everything. It always hurt to hear it second hand from my mother in-law. I guess I'm trying to make up for it. :o)

And after the snuggles, the fights, and the ready to rip my hair out moments with the boys (and the hubby), I spend the rest of my nights off working on school work. It's going to pay off so well-in nine short months I'll have my Bachelor's!! What a great feeling! Then it's on to finding that Master's program. Eric is so very supportive of me pursuing that as well. He's even mentioned Doctorate programs...I'm just not sure that I'm interested in that. Yikes! I've been in school for 20 years!!! I think I need some time off soon.

I do miss my girls though. I don't get to see them hardly ever and some I see and hear from very rarely. Amber and I keep in contact pretty well. I thought for sure we'd drift apart since we live so far away from each other but somehow we've managed. She is a very treasured friend who is important to me and my boys. And Seth, Amber's husband, has become quite the role model for my will-be soldier Ryan. Stacy and I have hit and miss times where we'll talk a lot for a few days and then nothing for weeks. We need to follow up on our plans to drag our husbands out again! Jennifer has all but disappeared off the face of the Earth! And Mindy is busy with her new house. I can't believe that just a year ago we were looking forward to our last quarter of school. Our final moments before becoming real nurses. I think that will be another blog coming soon-our one year mark. We will surely have to have dinner.

Ramblings of a Night Nurse: High's and Low's

I suppose everyone has high's and low's in their chosen career. My high's are usually when a patient gets to go home or having a patient tell me I did a good job for them. Last week I got a hug from a patient that I had cared for over the past two weeks; it was a great feeling. I didn't do anything different or special for this patient than I had for any other but it just felt nice to get that unexpected hug and gratitude. It certainly makes up for the low's I've experienced lately...

The patient that I finally got to see go home just a few weeks ago came back only two days later. He still hasn't left yet. I admitted him back that night but I did not sign up for primary as I had before. Too much for my heart to take I suppose. It's hard to decide if that's a weakness or a strength; I suppose a little of both. I'm a sensitive person and feel greatly for my patients. I want the best for them and care deeply. Strength. I let it get to me too. Weakness. It wears on my heart and my head. I learn from it. Strength. I fall for it all over again. Weakness. I guess this will be a struggle for me.

This morning at the end of my shift, I had a patient's family member out in the hallway screaming obscenities about the patient's nurse. That patient's nurse was me. I've had patient's and patient's families that I didn't really mesh with and I've had patients (one that sticks out in particular) that I could hardly get along with. But I've never had someone saying that I was horrible and wasn't doing a good job. In this instance it was not anything that I really did or did not do but just how things worked out. This was the type of patient that called out literally every 30 seconds until you finally walked into the room. I was next door in an isolation room with another patient and could not leave. I heard the call light, heard it get answered, my phone rang, someone called into the room I was in on that call light, I heard the other call light again, and again, and again. My phone rang several times more. Another call into the room I was in, still couldn't leave. The PCT checked for me and the patient's family member was standing in the hallway yelling about the nurse. Another nurse finally went in and the IV was beeping and it was leaking. The patient also wanted their pain medicine that was "due" at 0200...when the patient was sleeping. I do not just bring in pain medicine. It is not "due", it is available to be given. I went in twice after the "due" time and so did a PCT and Respiratory went in as well and I got no call and I was not asked for pain medicine. Instead, I got screamed about in the hallway at 0655 this morning.

Even though I know that this was not really my fault, I don't feel good about it. It's a definite low for me. I can't help but wonder what I could have done to help this situation from getting out of hand. I don't know that there is anything that could have been done but another weakness of mine is over-analyzing things. What's worse is I had to leave the day shift nurse to deal with a cranky patient and family member. Luckily it was a nurse that I just love and she had dealt with the situation on Saturday afternoon. I'm glad I didn't have to try to explain this to a new nurse.

Overall, my career is so far mostly high's. I'm getting a lot more confident in my practice. I know what I need to do for my patient's now and just do it. I know when I need to call the doctor and I'm confident in handling those situations and getting what I want from them. It's been nice to evaluate my growth over the past few months and see how far I've come. And how much more I have to learn. There are a lot of changes going on on my unit (as described in a previous post) and will need to find a new place to go in about a year. I'm sure I'll have a good foundation and will be ready to move on by then.

Just where? ICU? ER? L&D? I'll have my BSN by then too. Only three quarters left. (Sigh of relief!!) Then I need to start scoping out Master's programs. Well, start making decisions on which Master's program I want to go with. I know at some point I want to start teaching. But I guess that's a discussion for a different blog. :o)

Ramblings of a Night Nurse: Finally

Just a quick one to say that my patient went home!

Finally!

Yay!

Ramblings of Night Nurse: Reward

Helping a patient after many months in the hospital has been a trialing and rewarding experience. I have three nights off and I hope when I go back on Saturday this patient isn't there anymore. Hopefully they will have finally gone home.

I almost gave up; I almost stopped. I probably should have-but I just kept going. Another learning experience. But to know this patient is walking out of the hospital soon is the greatest feeling. To have gone from holding their hand and thinking that this may be "it"; you know, that moment...to only a week later and we might be sending them home...it reaffirms that reason for me going to work. It took many, many days but I finally accomplished my goal of helping this patient get well and go home. :o)

The night before last was rough. Four isolation patients and two were admissions. Don't ask how that happened-it's a long story and not all that important. But it was frustrating. And overwhelming. And I walked out of a room and said "Oh my god! I hate this place!"

I don't really. I was burnt out. Burnt out on taking care of my patient (see above) and from always having four patients regardless of the team and always getting the admits and on and on. Even if it isn't quite always, it just felt that way. That night and that moment was the final straw.

It's been emotionally draining the past few weeks and I just needed to have that moment. Have an outlet for my frustrations. See, I actually really like my job and I like my patient's quite a bit too. Most of the time. ;o) What I needed even more was to get that news that my patient was going to get to go home. Such a rewarding moment that I promptly shared with everyone I saw. Almost everyone on the unit has cared for this patient and knows the story; I know that a few of the other nurses were pleased as well.

I can't help but wonder what would have happened last night if I hadn't gotten that news...

Decision:

The decision was to stay on 6SAC. I figure I'll stay and get more experience and in the next 3-6 months apply where ever I want: one of the ICU's, CICU, or ER. I'm happy on 6SAC. I just got there and I'm not ready to leave. Being in school and trying to orient to a new unit, an ICU at that, might not be the best idea. And so I'll wait...and make another decision in 3-6 months.

Wish me luck!