I suppose everyone has high's and low's in their chosen career. My high's are usually when a patient gets to go home or having a patient tell me I did a good job for them. Last week I got a hug from a patient that I had cared for over the past two weeks; it was a great feeling. I didn't do anything different or special for this patient than I had for any other but it just felt nice to get that unexpected hug and gratitude. It certainly makes up for the low's I've experienced lately...
The patient that I finally got to see go home just a few weeks ago came back only two days later. He still hasn't left yet. I admitted him back that night but I did not sign up for primary as I had before. Too much for my heart to take I suppose. It's hard to decide if that's a weakness or a strength; I suppose a little of both. I'm a sensitive person and feel greatly for my patients. I want the best for them and care deeply. Strength. I let it get to me too. Weakness. It wears on my heart and my head. I learn from it. Strength. I fall for it all over again. Weakness. I guess this will be a struggle for me.
This morning at the end of my shift, I had a patient's family member out in the hallway screaming obscenities about the patient's nurse. That patient's nurse was me. I've had patient's and patient's families that I didn't really mesh with and I've had patients (one that sticks out in particular) that I could hardly get along with. But I've never had someone saying that I was horrible and wasn't doing a good job. In this instance it was not anything that I really did or did not do but just how things worked out. This was the type of patient that called out literally every 30 seconds until you finally walked into the room. I was next door in an isolation room with another patient and could not leave. I heard the call light, heard it get answered, my phone rang, someone called into the room I was in on that call light, I heard the other call light again, and again, and again. My phone rang several times more. Another call into the room I was in, still couldn't leave. The PCT checked for me and the patient's family member was standing in the hallway yelling about the nurse. Another nurse finally went in and the IV was beeping and it was leaking. The patient also wanted their pain medicine that was "due" at 0200...when the patient was sleeping. I do not just bring in pain medicine. It is not "due", it is available to be given. I went in twice after the "due" time and so did a PCT and Respiratory went in as well and I got no call and I was not asked for pain medicine. Instead, I got screamed about in the hallway at 0655 this morning.
Even though I know that this was not really my fault, I don't feel good about it. It's a definite low for me. I can't help but wonder what I could have done to help this situation from getting out of hand. I don't know that there is anything that could have been done but another weakness of mine is over-analyzing things. What's worse is I had to leave the day shift nurse to deal with a cranky patient and family member. Luckily it was a nurse that I just love and she had dealt with the situation on Saturday afternoon. I'm glad I didn't have to try to explain this to a new nurse.
Overall, my career is so far mostly high's. I'm getting a lot more confident in my practice. I know what I need to do for my patient's now and just do it. I know when I need to call the doctor and I'm confident in handling those situations and getting what I want from them. It's been nice to evaluate my growth over the past few months and see how far I've come. And how much more I have to learn. There are a lot of changes going on on my unit (as described in a previous post) and will need to find a new place to go in about a year. I'm sure I'll have a good foundation and will be ready to move on by then.
Just where? ICU? ER? L&D? I'll have my BSN by then too. Only three quarters left. (Sigh of relief!!) Then I need to start scoping out Master's programs. Well, start making decisions on which Master's program I want to go with. I know at some point I want to start teaching. But I guess that's a discussion for a different blog. :o)
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you have so many strengths that they outweigh your weaknesses greatly. We can all find things that we are weak at, but the fact that you can find your strengths shows how confident you are in your practice....the SCC professors always said this would happen!
ReplyDeleteI am proud of you, I am sad that someone talked that way about you. That hurts me too, but then again there are always those mean and disagreeable people who think they are "the only ones" there. It's a catch 22.
I look forward to reading all of your highs and lows, because one day when you are preceptor, you can share them with a new nurse who needs the encouragement.